There is one thread running through all of our work, with every dog and every person who comes to it. That thread is regulation. Regulation means making the space between you and your dog quiet enough for information to pass. Two nervous systems, both talking at once can disregard one another. Regulating the space for both voices is the first job to do. Co-regulation is the word for those two voices being able to share, to pass information back and forth. Dogs and their people co-regulate; on a scientific basis and on an empathic basis. However not everyone has experience of self regulation and co-regulation. Co-regulation runs in the background because dogs do this as part of their relationship with people. Not everyone knows how to self regulate. What follows is an outline of the ideas and structures we use ourselves, and then the wider shape of the relationship they sit inside, and how the regulation underneath it plays out over time.

It can be tricky to know if what’s happening to you because of what’s around you is a ‘you’ issue or part of something other. You may be affected by hay fever, which is a combination of you and the environment and it happens to millions of people. Your dog can also be affected by high pollen counts and changes in the grasses as the seasons go by. How you manage that is regulation.
When we’re affected by something we may note it as a passing issue. When we notice it’s happening regularly or it seems to stay with us and travel with us then that’s quite a bit different. Clients have said that when they’re on their phone they notice their dog ‘gets up to something’. At that moment the client is ‘absent’. One person said to me that when they were feeling really ‘off’, their dog would ‘play up’. They recognised that as a signal for themselves.
That signal can be fairly low key but persistent. You just can’t ever get it all gone. It’s always in the background - and sometimes the foreground too.
It can come around as a feeling that you’re just more tense and stressed than you think you should be and maybe you notice it because you’re tired. Tired more often than other people around you. You might wonder if it’s a food allergy or an illness and, it may be either or both. However it may also be a bandwidth issue and that’s the thing that is often overlooked. Your system is just carrying too much load and it ‘speaks’ by informing you that you feel tired. It might not be as big as overwhelmed, but it could be travelling in that direction. Becoming aware of what ‘intolerance’ means in your life is, obviously, subjective. However let’s have a look at some of the things that could overload the bandwidth.
Edginess is a feeling that spreads so easily from person to dog and back again. It’s like bad game of ping pong. You might notice it in your dog before you notice it in yourself - your dog is being ‘spooky’ or ‘barky’ and you suddenly realise how tightly wound you are.
How do you get out of that? You think ‘What’s the next step?’ Saying this either in your head or out loud gives you an exit from the rising edginess. That’s all you have to ask yourself. This works because it shifts the ‘seat’ of your edginess from the alarm centre into the thinking centre of your brain. Of course, learning how to live in your life so the alarm system doesn’t kick in so often would be better. We cover this in all the work we do because we work with regulation and co-regulation. Behaviour is the external expression of the internal state and so we read behaviour as from the internal perspective.
What tips you into the alarm system that then carries on influencing your internal state?
Nowadays we live in a social society full of attention grabbing platforms all trying to communicate with us, constantly. Turning off notifications is a very easy place to begin. Nobody needs hundreds of notifications in a day - that’s not how we’re meant to live. Just turn them off and enjoy the peace.
Some people want a barrier between them and the friction the outside world holds. A barrier could be using ‘Flares’ or ‘Loops’ to cushion against noise. They’re easy to carry around and you can pop them in your ears anywhere at any time. They cushion and sometimes that’s all you need. Just an auditory cushion.
Wearing sunglasses can provide the same barrier effect and, even if you’re not photosensitive, they can be a useful ‘hiding’ place in all sorts of situations. They’re not just a seasonal tool - wear them year round!
Ambient lighting is very useful around your home - nice soft lights rather than anything harsh and pointed. You can turn lights away from your sitting areas and bask in the reflected light.
Space can also be an issue - whether you have enough or not. Think about how you use your sitting areas and whether or not they work for you. We all need relaxing spaces. I’m sure your dog will enjoy creeping in there as well! Chill together because they also need to ‘zone out’.
When you’re relaxing I bet you enjoy it most when the clothes you’re in are soft and comfortable. It seems obvious but, if you’re working where you have to ‘dress up’, it may be that those clothes just irritate you. I used to live in a hot country and whenever I had to ‘dress for the office’ I felt so constrained and uncomfortable.
Avoiding certain fabrics may also help you avoid feeling like that. Some fabrics feel hard and unyielding - this is why stretch denim came into being - the original was too hard!
Be aware because all these little things can accumulate into a big thing. It’s worth taking the time to be be comfortable all day. It matters. Your dog will also appreciate how comfortable you feel.
It’s always worth factoring in comfort and if that means you take some time for yourself through the day then do it. It doesn’t have to be an hour - just a minute longer on a toilet break or sitting in the car just a bit longer before getting out. It’s about recognising that you have needs and they don’t get shoved on the back burner. Your needs need to be addressed in a way that works for you. This is your life we’re talking about and we’re talking about making it work for you! If your life has to run for everyone else then it’s not running for the one person who needs it most. Your dog would tell you this. You know they know and they feel your overload!
Life provides you with options. You can choose the best option for you given whatever it is you're feeling at the time.
You can do the shopping later when it’s quiet and there’s space and it’s not too noisy and you absolutely can wear sunglasses indoors because shop lights are bright and garish.
We are totally into understanding that regulation - self regulation and co-regulation are right up there at the top of the important things list.
We're there because we work with dogs and dogs show us the internal state.

What regulation makes possible goes further than comfort. It alters perception. Dr Steven Maier confirmed that perception of control rather than control itself, is what influences you towards overwhelm or calm. When your brain perceives there to be a functional system of control managing the system then the alarm signals turn off. This happens not because the threat has vanished but because the brain no longer thinks it has to manage it. Building that perception of control currently lies outside of your reality.